Funny Microsoft Q Articles

PS last night my recycle bin showed it had stuff in it but it did not. When I tried to empty the already empty bin, I got this error haha.

• Q243490: Other Players Cannot See Monster on Your Screen "In addition, you cannot examine or attack this monster." (Thanks to Chris for the submission!)

• Q145978: Shiva Does Not Always Prompt to Hang Up Connection (Thanks to Matt for the submission--who adds "The diety you have reach is no longer in service, please hang up and try your call again.")

• Q178748: SATAN Causes High Memory Utilization in WUSER32 MS is now blaming the Lord of Darkness? (Thanks to Rishi and John for the submissions!)

• Q262197: Allegiance: Nothing Happens When Player Attempts Suicide "The CTRL+SHIFT+D (3x) key combination is incorrectly labeled "Suicide" on the Basic Controls page of the Allegiance Survival Guide." (Thanks to John L for the submission!)

• Q194729: Cannot Listen to Voice Messages from a Remote Location "This behavior can occur if you forget the remote access number for your mailbox." (Thanks to Steve for the submission!)

• Q153996: Misleading Error Message About Ambiguous Table " In SQL Server 7.0, the resulting message 1032 has an incorrect tablename." (Thanks to Steve for the submission!)

• Q122669: MSB Human: Overview "After you've explored all 12 body parts and the map is complete, go to one of the three body parts from which you can exit Arnold.... The Magic School Bus Explores the Human Body is also being marketed in conjunction with [...] McDonald's Happy Meals." (Thanks to Steve for the submission!)

• Q155999: Deadly Tide: An Overview of Playing the Game "Shoot everything that shoots at you or that has a yellow bracket around it." (Thanks to Steve for the submission!)

• Q177398: Tell Me More Help File Cannot Be Found (Thanks to Steve for the submission!)

• Q96706: Mouse Doesn't Work with MS-DOS Shell "Some earlier mouse drivers do not work well with MS-DOS Shell because they cannot perform all the functions required by MS-DOS Shell." (Thanks to Steve for the submission!)

• Q111601: Misleading Default Pushbutton Painting "Under some conditions in Windows, more than one pushbutton (or Command button)(style BS_PUSHBUTTON) may be painted with the dark border used to designate a default pushbutton." (Thanks to Steve for the submission!)

• Q110633: "Word Is Removing Bullets and Numbers" May Be Unexpected "In some situations, this message may be generated when no bullets or numbers are visible in the paragraph." (Thanks to Steve for the submission!)

• Q158450: How to Install SQL Server on Computers Using a Hyphen Yes, this requires A TOOL. (Thanks to Steve for the submission!)

• Q159740: Neverhood: Known Content Errors Oh man. What to choose, there's a plethora of possibilities. Here: "The putt-putt shadow in world two above the teddy boom pod is wrong." (Thanks to Steve for the submission!)

• Q149525: Poor Performance May Occur During FTP File Transfers "If a send request occurs that is less than one segment, Silly Window Syndrome (SWS) can occur." (Thanks to Steve for the submission!)

• Q89171: Using the Invisible Network with Windows Maybe they used Invisibility Paint (Thanks to Steve for the submission!)

• Q196600: Text on Japanese Web Site May Be Unreadable Links to Archive.org, MS has taken down the original. (Thanks to Steve for the submission!)

• Q152189: Overview of Magic School Bus Explores the Ocean "NOTE: The Magic School Bus Explores the Ocean does not ship with a passport showing where the users has traveled." (Thanks to Steve for the submission!)

• Q231275: MTA in an Uncontrollable State; MTA Service Can't Be Stopped Film at eleven. (Thanks to Steve for the submission!)

• Q133357: Differences Between Temporary and Permanent Relationships Jewelry? (Thanks to Steve for the submission!)

• Q119022: Message Redelivered Repeatedly to Mac Clients (Thanks to Steve, who adds, "That'll teach them!")

• Q323927: How to Resurrect a Dead Character Microsoft deals with the afterlife. (Thanks to Udi for the submission!)

• Q186925: Restarting Computer While Holding Down SHIFT Key Hangs Windows "RESOLUTION: Method 1--Do not hold down the SHIFT key while you are restarting your computer." (Thanks to Rob for the submission!) Note: MS has taken down the original. This now links to archive.org.

• Q161129: Kitchen: Known Content Errors "The microwave says 'nachos', but it sounds like 'nauseous'." Be sure to read the whole page. Some good ones in there.

• Q126112: Sky Appears Beneath the Earth in the Modeling Module "We are researching this problem and will post new information here in the Microsoft Knowledge Base as it becomes available."

• Q228001: Network Adapter Does Not Work if Unplugged ...really....

• Q209354: HOW TO: RTFM "This article demonstrates how to read the f*cking manual, as popularised by the RTFM directive."

• Q172668: Barney Fun on Imagination Island Error "ERROR: Barney Not Found."

• Q281923: WIN2K Empathy Alert "Hair Color of the "Person" Icon for a User Group Becomes Gray If the Group Contains More Than 500 Users" .

• Q236609: Fonts and Background Colors Change Randomly in a Form That Has Embedded Objects Bummer.

• Q261186: Computer Randomly Plays Classical Music "During normal operation or in Safe mode, your computer may play "Fur Elise" or "It's a Small, Small World" seemingly at random."

• Q172653: Sometimes Barney Starts Playing Peekaboo on His Own "This occurs because Barney's eyes are light-sensitive and adjust to changes in lighting."

• Q253912: Out of Memory Error Messages with Large Amounts of RAM Installed "WORKAROUND: Reduce the amount of memory that is installed in your computer to 512 MB or less."

• In the MS Knowledge Base, "hosed" is now a valid keyword.

• Q162033: (interesting keywords) "KEYWORDS: kbtool kbusage kbSQLServ650bug sql65 trace goofy call" NOTE: Microsoft has recently taken out "goofy call" in the current Q article so now this links to Archive.org.

• Q216641: Computer Hangs After 49.7 Days "SYMPTOMS: After 49.7 days of continuous operation, your Windows-based computer may stop responding (hang)."

• Q151910: File Copy Animation Appears as Shredded Paper "When you are copying files, the copy animation may appear as shredded paper." Comforting.

• Q157373: How to Insert Sample Text into a Document To do this, type =rand()

• Q152698: Paul Bunyan: The Story of Paul Bunyan "Pancakes was our dinner for the three-hundred-and tenth night in a row. We was concentrating on talkin' and chewin' with our mouths closed, when it started thunderin' outside. Then I seen him. He was carryin' the biggest, mightiest, dang-darndest ax I ever seen."

• Q157668: Selecting Blendolini Causes Choco-Banana Shake Hang The dreaded "Choco-Banana Shake Hang" error remedy has been removed from the Microsoft Knowledge Base, but here is a link to an archived copy at webarchive.org.

• Q276304: Error Message: Your Password Must Be at Least 18770 Characters and Cannot Repeat Any of Your Previous 30689 Passwords Darn. "Note that the number of required characters changes from 17,145 to 18,770 with the installation of SP1."

• Q229569: FP2000: Save As Command Loops Continuously When You Try to Save File in a Web "This problem occurs when you create a Web on a Web server, and you also create a Web folder with the same name, except that you use a different case for one or more of the letters of the name."

• Q110317: Screen Corruption When Aircraft Crashes "After an aircraft crashes you may see some screen corruption in the upper-left corner of the screen as the situation resets itself."

• Q273127: XADM: Pointer Retains Hourglass Shape Indefinitely "WORKAROUND To work around this behavior, move the pointer outside the Select file to catalog dialog box, and then move it back in."

• Q258415: Baseball 2001: Game Quits Unexpectedly When You Click "Play Ball" [insert baseball strike joke here]

• Q194714: Noise Signals Interpreted As Keystroke During Boot Display "Some keyboards, switch boxes, and BIOSs can mistakenly send random electronic noise signals that NTLDR interprets as a keystroke...."

• Q177605: Sound Distorted or Fuzzy when Ms. Frizzle Is Talking "- WARNING - **THE INFORMATION BELOW IS PRELIMINARY AND HAS NOT BEEN CONFIRMED, EDITED, OR TESTED BY MICROSOFT. USE ONLY WITH DISCRETION."

• Q175362: January 1 May Appear as February 1 in a Date "When you enter or fill dates in a worksheet in Microsoft Excel 97, a date that should appear as January 1 may instead appear as February." Hope you, like, didn't need that date for anything.

• Q259754: Invalid Page Fault If a Player Shoots the Moon "...you may receive the following error message if a player successfully shoots the moon: Lobby.exe caused an invalid page fault in module filename where filename is a component of your video driver."

• Q19338: Lunar Map Links to Earth-Related Content "When you view the lunar surface in Encarta Virtual Globe 99 and click on or near the Moon's North or South pole, the program displays a menu that contains links to content describing the Earth's poles."

• Q121139: Space: Planets Have No Color "Space Simulator may erroneously detect that a planet object is not currently active."

• Q119809: Only One Half of Mercury Has Bitmap Surface "The NASA data on Mercury is incomplete, covering only one hemisphere of the planet. One hemisphere was therefore intentionally left blank, reflecting this lack of data."

• Q131109: Earth Rotates in Wrong Direction "When you run Explorapedia and use the Exploratron to look at the Earth spinning, the Earth rotates in the wrong direction."

• Q157583: No Error When No Printer Installed "When you try to print from Someone's in the Kitchen, nothing happens. A voice says, 'I'm printing it for you right now', but nothing else happens."

• Q168502: Windows NT Reboots Continuously During Installation "When you are installing Windows NT Server or Workstation, your computer may reboot continuously after the first reboot."

• Q185322: Windows NT 4.0 Setup Restarts Continuously "When you attempt to install Windows NT 4.0 on a computer that already has Windows 2000 installed, Setup may continuously restart each time the computer is started without ever finishing."

• Q174630: Windows Restarts Continuously with Blue Screen "When you start Windows, your computer may briefly display the blue startup screen and then continuously restart."

• Q173361: The MSN Home Page Reloads Continuously When You Connect "When you connect to MSN, The Microsoft Network, the default MSN page may reload continuously."

• Q156511: WhatsThisButton Disappears when Form Designer Gets Focus I guess the title says it all, eh?

• Q177952: Turtle, or Yellow or Red Dot Next to Player Name "When you are playing a multiplayer game, you may see a turtle, or a yellow or red dot, next to a player's name in the Scores window."

• Q159742: Goosebumps: Known Content Errors "In the lab at Vampire Village, when Luke tells Lizzy 'a horror handed me dad's wallet', horror sounds like whore." DING DING DING DING WINNER!!!!!!

• Q254452: Streets and Trips 2001: Help Topics Are Displayed in Unexpected Language "When you press the F1 key to open the online Help window in Microsoft Streets and Trips 2001 or Microsoft MapPoint 2001, Help topics may not be displayed in the language that you expect."

• Q236462: Characters Receive Damage Through Doors "RESOLUTION: To prevent this issue from occurring, do not stand in close proximity to doors."

• Q271496: One Unsuccessful Logon Attempt May Trigger the Default Windows NT Lockout Policy You, like, didn't need to logon to the network or anything?

• Q228447: Baseball 2000: Shredded or Torn Graphics in Game "When you play Microsoft Baseball 2000, the graphics in the game may appear shredded or torn on the screen."

• Q244139: Windows Feature Allows a Memory.dmp File to Be Generated with Keyboard Make Windows 2000 BSOD at your command!

• Q155844: Drop Shadows on Transparent GIFs Look Weird in HTML "When you apply a shadow to a picture frame that contains a transparent GIF and then export your publication as HyperText Markup Language (HTML), the shadow appears as a backwards gray L below and to the right of your picture." Weird, indeed...

• Q191069: Personalized Start Page Appears Upside Down and Backwards "When you try to customize your personalized start page at http://home.microsoft.com/personalizing.personalizing.asp your Web page may appear upside down and backwards. "

• Q132388: Dogs: Can't Stop Dog Piano Movie After it Starts "The movie feature of the Dog Piano starts when the mouse cursor is positioned over the paw picture above the piano keyboard. Once you start the movie you cannot stop it by clicking your mouse. "Please God, make it stop!

• Q264642: Scenery Shudders Violently When You Fly the Concorde "RESOLUTION: To prevent this issue from occurring, do not exceed the maximum safe speed when you fly the Concorde at low altitudes."

• Q74684: UNIX Login Sign Disappears After Installing MS-DOS "After installing MS-DOS on a computer system with both MS-DOS and UNIX, your SCO UNIX login sign disappears." <DR EVIL>Riiiiight.</DR EVIL>

• Q68677: Large Mountain Immediately Disappears "Microsoft is researching this problem and will post new information here as it becomes available. "

• Q278550: Image Appears Flipped in Presentation from Earlier Version of PowerPoint How'd your big presentation go the other day, Bob?

• Q68887: Crashing into Blue Mountain Causes "Splash" Message "Flying into a blue mountain may cause Flight Simulator to display a "Splash" message rather than the appropriate "Crash" message."

• Q273877: IIS Shuts Down and Restarts for No Apparent Reason "Internet Information Services (IIS) 5.0 or Internet Information Server (IIS) 4.0 shuts down and restarts for no apparent reason."

• Q59092: Oakland Runway Disappears on Landing Approach" Microsoft is researching this problem and will post new information here as it becomes available."

• Q221993: Homepub Error Message: Something Is Missing... "As you work in Home Publishing, you may receive the following error message: Something is missing." (I just can't put my finger on it....)

• Q130379: Repeating ALT+TAB, ALT+ENTER, or ALT+ESC Corrupts Display "RESOLUTION: Do not press ALT+TAB, ALT+ENTER, or ALT+ESC repeatedly...."

• Q208720: MSPS: Female Voice Sometimes Plays When Male Voice Is Selected in Call Manager "CAUSE: This behavior is by design." Kinky!

• Q149098: MSN Interactive Teen: How Much Does It Cost to Use? "This article discusses the cost of using the MSN Interactive Teen." I just thought this was a weird title.

• Q72927: DIVER.FSH from WRK Hangs System When Flipped "For more information regarding Fish, contact: Tom & Ed's Bogus Software...."

• Q269916: Office Assistant Makes Sudden Loud Noise "When you are working in an Office program with an Office Assistant displayed, a loud sound may be emitted from the computer for no apparent reason."

• Q103332: Mouse Races and Jumps Across Screen "Your mouse pointer races across the screen in sudden bursts. It is difficult to control and often goes beyond what you aim for."

• Q191241: Money: Stuck in Endless Loop When Reading Statement from Broker I think we all feel like that these days.

• Q241067: Links: Caddy Offers Inappropriate Club for the Shot "When you play Microsoft Links with other players, your caddy may offer your player an inappropriate club for a given shot."

• Q257377: Purple Veins Appear on Objects When You Play the Game at High Resolutions "When you play Microsoft Allegiance at a screen resolution of 1600 x 1200 pixels, purple veins may appear on objects."

• Q95824: Constant or Random Beeping in Windows with Anti-Virus "KEYWORDS: 6.22 6.00 VM Beep-o-matic beep MSAV safe 6.20. Note: MS has edited the original. This now links to archive.org.

• Q124908: TechNet Search Query for "windows nt" Hangs Windows MS has taken down the original. This now links to archive.org.

• Q136001: Tad's Mouth Doesn't Move "In Microsoft Explorapedia, World of Nature, Tad (the frog who serves as the guide) does not move his mouth when he speaks."

• Q137591: Recycle Bin Icons Reversed After Removing Desktop Themes "...the full icon may be displayed when the Recycle Bin is empty, and the empty icon may be displayed when the Recycle Bin is full."

• Q142152: How to Create Functions to Calculate Light Years "Microsoft Excel does not include a function that will convert miles into light years or light years to miles. However, you can use the following formulas for this calculation...."

• Q323945: Guests Appear Stuck to Zoo Objects in Dinosaur Digs Game "...after you install third-party content, guests in your game may appear to be attached and stuck to objects in the zoo."

• Q252784: Ship Turns Continually in Circles "When you play Microsoft Allegiance, your ship may turn continually in circles."

• Q186017: Spelling Checker Constantly Rechecks Words in All Caps "WORKAROUND: To work around this problem, press ESC to stop the spelling checker from constantly rechecking the same word."

• Q175433: Error Starting 'Microsoft Office 97 Starts Here' "When you start the program that comes with the Microsoft Press book 'Microsoft Office 97 Starts Here' on a computer on which Microsoft Office 97 is installed, you may receive an error message...."

• Q284895: Text Is Typed by Office Assistant Sounds When Microphone Is Turned off or Unplugged "Even though your microphone is turned off or unplugged, sounds made by the Office Assistant cause text to be typed into your document."

• Q173108: Mbclean.exe Deletes Outlook Calendar, Contacts, and Tasks "If you run the Mbclean.exe utility from the Microsoft BackOffice Resource Kit (BORK) to delete all messages over a certain age, Mbclean.exe also deletes users' Outlook Calendar, Contacts, and Tasks items." Oops. I bet they'll be mad, too. Maybe you should go home early....

• Q274076: Microsoft Reader: Text Is Displayed Upside Down "When you use Microsoft Reader, the text may be displayed upside down."

• Q168945: Red And Orange Rats Appear Similar "It may be difficult to line up three or more rats to score points, because of their similarity in color."

• Q139807: Daylight Savings Time Change Repeats Continuously "During the first hour of Daylight Savings Time, Windows 95 seems to update your computer's system clock, but instead repeats the following message every hour: Windows has updated your clock as a result of Daylight Savings Time. Please verify that your new clock settings are correct." (Is this bugging you? I'm not touching you.)

• Q137129: Automap: Gas Calculations are Incorrect "Microsoft Automap Road Atlas miscalculates the fuel consumption for a journey."

• Q88465: Golf: Rattle Sound Not Heard When Ball Enters Hole "...two out of three times, you don't hear the rattle sound of the ball going into the hole. Also, if you do hear the sound, the 'nice par' sound sometimes doesn't play when it is suppose to [sic]. "

• Q183759: OFF98: Setup Appears to Halt and Beach Ball Pointer Appears "When you run Microsoft Office Installer, a mouse pointer that looks like a static beach ball appears the end of the installation process."

• Q167197: Using Imcext.dll May Incorrectly Format Message Headers "Depending on the mailer, the result error codes may be: invalid address in SMTP envelope, '<' missing -or- 501 strangeness between : and <"

• Q196367: OL2000: Days, Weeks, and Months Displayed in Foreign Language "All dates appear in a foreign language although all text appears correctly in English."

• Q158539: Strange or Jumpy Pointer Behavior on Lake Floor "When you turn left, the animation does not turn smoothly to the left. It jumps to the right and back before it settles in a spot...."

• Q150779: Arcade for Macintosh: Cannot Start Games, No Full-Screen Mode, Strange Mouse Behavior "When you play Missile Command in a window, missiles may fly out of the window and across the desktop."

• White Paper Template: UPGRADING TO EXCHANGE SERVER 5.5 Yeah... I searched the Knowledgebase for the word Pubic.... "a pubic folder server"(links to word doc)

• Q305566: Text That You Type Changes Unexpectedly "When you type a word or number into a document in one of the programs listed at the beginning of this article, the text may be unexpectedly changed into a different word or number. " Maybe that's what happed with the document above?

• Q178909: Money 98: Misleading Terminology in Additional Household Income "The budget erroneously instructs you to include expected dividends in the Additional Household Income section of the top-level budget. This is wrong because that income is included in the rate of return set in the Savings and Investments place...." ZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzz...oh, their resolution: "Do not include dividend information in the budget. "

• Q226971: Outlook Express Sends Message Repeatedly "This issue can occur if your computer has a low amount of free disk space. Why of course! (??)

• Q145674: How Long Does it Take to Set Up Pregnancy and Child Care "The first time you install and start Microsoft Pregnancy and Child Care takes between 4 and 15 minutes." Well, I guess the first time never lasts long, does it?

• Q268262: Sound Repeats When You Press CTRL+ALT+DEL While You Are Playing Content in Windows Media Player 7 "To work around this problem, pause Windows Media Player 7 before you press CTRL+ALT+DEL, or ignore the repeating sound until you can click Cancel."

• Q191332: Video Area Is Green or Displays Random Pink and Green Flashes "...the video area of Microsoft Windows Media Player may be green or it may display random pink and green flashes."

• Q110887: Bear Trap Won't Release Paramecia in Level 49 "When Chip runs over a brown button near the middle right side of the maze in level 49, a bear trap should release a paramecia. However, the paramecia is not released, thereby allowing Chip to collect the computer chips without having to dodge the pink balls." Also, check out the keywords.

• Q223305: Character Stops Talking in Mid-Sentence and the Program Stops Responding (Hangs) "This behavior can occur if

• Q183030: Deleting Web in Root Directory Erases Drive Contents Microsoft has confirmed this to be a problem in the Microsoft products listed at the beginning of this article.

• Q134842: Leonardo da Vinci Screen Saver Displays Tank Image Briefly "Near the end of the sequence, an image of a manuscript drawing of a tank appears briefly near the center of the screen."

• Q274454: Visio2000: Crime Scenes Solution Add-on Available for Download "The Crime Scenes templates and stencils add-on is available for download..."

• Q138990: No Ball on Table in 3D Pinball "When you play 3D Pinball, or click Demo to watch a demonstration, no ball may be loaded on the table."

• Q132007: Problem Copying Wingdings from Character Map to Wordpad I just like it 'cuz it says "Wingdings." Wingdings! Wingdings! Wingdings!

• Q138836: Flying Fonts Screen Saver Leaves Afterimages on Screen " may leave 'ghost' afterimages of the font on the screen. " Schpooky.

• Q136592: Left Mouse Button Click Acts Like Right Mouse Button Click "This problem can occur sporadically and unpredictably when many mouse events occur at the same time..."

• Q137456: Centimeter Measurements in WordPad Reported Incorrectly "a margin size reported in the Page Setup dialog box may be slightly larger or smaller (usually within one one-hundredth of a centimeter)." What, did someone call MS, "Hello, yes, I have a complaint about WORDPAD. My margins are off by one one-hundredths of a centimeter."

• Q252463: Index Server Error Message Reveals Physical Location of Web Folders Great.

• Q253512: Cannot Turn Off "User Cannot Change the Password" Option After Windows 2000 Upgrade "[If] you click to clear the User cannot change the password check box in Active Directory, the user may still be unable to change his or her password.

• Q252500: Ntbackup.exe May Cause 100 Percent Central Processing Unit Utilization Getting all fancy now, calling it the Central Processing Unit

• Q280969: OL2002: The Click Sound Effect Plays Sporadically When You Navigate through Outlook folders Click! Click!

• Q289831: Stop 0x1E Error Message Appear [SIC] on All Servers in the Same Domain Where do you want to go today?

• Q273988: Disk Manager Prompts You to Continue Every Five Minutes Maybe this will help: What can be done to diminish the burnout nature of technology work?

• Q295076: Message Reads "Floppy" instead of "CD" If SP1 Is Installed from Network Mapped Drive "The message should say 'compact disc' or 'CD' rather than 'floppy disk'. " Lord, help us all.

• Q269033: Wallpaper Reverts to Last Bitmap After Daylight Saving Time Ends How truly bizarre.

• Bicycle Casino: Dealer Misreads Player's Hand, and Losing Hand Unexpectedly Wins "The known variations of this issue are: A full house is misread as two pairs. A flush in a player's hand is not seen. Three of a kind loses to a pair." I want to play poker with Bill Gates.

• Q169441: MSB Human Body Minimizes When Printing To HP Deskjet I'm shriiiinking!

• Q169441: Bicycle Games: Known Game-Play Issues "The character image that represents you is not a computer opponent; therefore, the character does not speak."

• Q206145: Random Characters Appear in Network Adapters List Why your sys admin looks stressed out all the time.

• Q132336: Mac Ancient Lands: Volume Is Very Quiet for Some Sounds Only "WORKAROUND: To hear the sounds low-volume sounds, increase the Sounds Volume in the Sound control panel."

• Q318573: Erratic Behavior Occurs If You Create a "Desktop" Folder on the Desktop "If you create a folder that is named 'Desktop' on the desktop, tree view in Windows Explorer may behave erratically."

• Q177600: OLEXP: Distorted Sounds Heard from Speaker When You Download E- Mail "When you download your e-mail using Outlook Express, you may hear distorted or unintelligible sounds coming from the speaker inside your computer." (If you really want to hear email check out Spam Radio)

• Q179243: Unintelligible Characters Appear Using "Who Am I?" Command Existentialism according to Microsoft.

• Q160045: Kids Plus!: Talk It! Is Uncensored "Microsoft Plus! For Kids includes a text-to-speech component called Talk It!, which will speak any word that is typed in, phonetically or otherwise, in several different speaking voices, styles, etc. Talk It! does not censor any word or combinations of words." They probably had to put that up because someone's mom called.

• Q177536: File Name Spelled Out When Assistant Speaks Alert Text And you thought Clippit the Paperclip couldn't get more annoying.

• Q248910: Opening and Closing a Form Hundreds of Times Noticeably Affects System Resources "To temporarily work around this problem, free system resources. To do so, close all instances of Access, and then reopen the database."

• Q279650: Microsoft Casino: Dealer Incorrectly States Two of a Kind "This behavior occurs when the dealer's hand contains two pairs."

• Q254829: New 020 London Area Code Interpreted as Country Code for Egypt "If you set your dialing location to London, England, and create a contact that contains the new London area code (020) in the Telephone Number field, Outlook incorrectly interprets the contact's country as Egypt."

• Q243657: Text May Increase in Size When File Is Saved and Reopened "When you open a Microsoft PowerPoint presentation, the text in the presentation may be larger than it was when you saved it. It may become so large that it no longer fits on the slide, and may run off the bottom or side of the slide."

• Q252669: Cannot Suppress the Word Startup Splash Screen "You cannot suppress the Word 2000 startup splash screen."

• Q152208: Julia Child Err Msg: Insufficient Memory to Function Eek.

• Q309296: The System Clock Slows If You Run a Program That Uses Sound Extensively "To work around this issue, avoid playing audio repeatedly or in tight loops."

• Q84421: High Granularity Setting May Cause Problems Moving Windows "If the Granularity option in the Desktop section of Control Panel is set too high, windows that are moved may shake erratically in Program Manager."

• Q263261: NFL Fever 2000: Erratic Behavior When You Use the SideWinder Game Pad Pro Controller "When you play Microsoft NFL Fever 2000 with the Microsoft SideWinder Game Pad Pro game controller, the players in the game may move erratically or in an unexpected direction."

• Q228977: Midtown Madness: Game Quits Unexpectedly When You Honk the Horn "This behavior can occur if the following conditions are true.... Your vehicle is against a building or a wall when you honk the horn."

• Q154394: Computer with NetFlex 2 Card Stops Responding Every 30 Seconds "Every 20 to 30 seconds, the mouse will behave erratically. Behaviors include jumping from one side to the other as you move the mouse. Performance monitor will indicate the computer is at 100% CPU usage during this time."

• Q102369: Microsoft Golf Moves Too Quickly or Too Slowly "This problem occurs because Windows NT is a preemptive multitasking operating system."

• Q252802: Allegiance: Player Moves Erratically with Quick Bursts of Speed "This behavior can occur if the affected player is experiencing a high degree of latency in their Internet connection."

• Q194750: Message Sticks in MTA Queue While Other Messages Flow By "When you observe the message transfer agent (MTA) queues, a message may get stuck in the queue as other messages flow around this message."

• Q309055: The Cursor Behaves Erratically, the Computer Stops Responding, and Performance Is Noticeably Slow ...as opposed to just plain slow.

• Q185703: Limitations of the CB Feature in Monster Truck Madness 2 "The CB feature in Monster Truck Madness 2 is not a full-featured chat utility. Rather, it is a feature with many limitations."

• Q192237: Message "Click here to begin" Missing from Taskbar "When you log on to Terminal Server, you will not see the animated message, "Click here to begin," start on the right side of the Taskbar and quickly move to the left side of the Taskbar. The message stops when it bumps into the START button, and remains until the user starts the program."

• Q66960: Solitaire Card Backs Display Animated Effects in Windows "Some of the graphics on the back of cards in Microsoft Windows Solitaire display animated effects. To activate the animation in Solitaire, choose Options from the Game menu and select Timed Game. The animation does not work unless you play a timed game." Thanks for letting me know.

• Q119392: "None Available in This Situation" Appears in List "If your spacecraft is outside of our solar system, you may see the text "None Available in this situation" in the selection boxes for Asteroids, Planets, Moons, Spacecraft, Space Stations, and Comets."

• Q243317: Program Unexpectedly Quits After You Click "Register Later" 50 Times "When you start an Office program after clicking Register Later 50 times, the Office Registration Wizard may not appear, and the Office program fails to start."

• Q250878: Readiness Analyzer Quits Before Finishing "Microsoft has confirmed that this is a problem in the Microsoft products that are listed at the beginning of this article."

• Q175180: Red Gleams Do Not Appear on Channel Bar or Channel Pane "When you subscribe to a channel from the Channel bar and then update the subscription, a gleam may not appear on that channel's icon even though the contents of the subscribed Web site have changed."

• Q237528: Encarta Encyclopedia 2000: Unable to Play Song of Red-Winged Blackbird Well, that's a bummer; I like birds. Here's what one sounds like.

• Q222264: Word E-mail Has Same Font Color as the Message Background Ha ha.

• Q286130: Casino: Game Quits Unexpectedly When You Win Too Many Complimentary Items "There is currently no resolution for this issue."

• Q226937: Martian Memorandum: List of the Key Objects and Their Location Use the following table to locate the key objects in Martian Memorandam.
  Object: Big Dick Card (!)
  Location: Casino (washroom) (!)

• Q280711: Office Installation Program Starts When You Use Camera in USB Port "When you attempt to use a digital camera that is plugged into the computer's Universal Serial Bus (USB) port, the Microsoft Office installation program may start unexpectedly and the live (or stored) camera image does not appear. "

• Q281221: Golf Ball Moves in Slow Motion While in Flight Golf at an even slower pace--great, thanks.

• Q69785: Land Appears Blue at San Diego Airport "The visibility is poor and it may be difficult to see the runway."

• Q109861: Runway at Half Moon Bay Is Not Solid "The aircraft will appear to fly through the runway and underneath it until it reaches actual ground level, at which point the runway will reappear underneath the aircraft rather than overhead. "

• Q108022: Autopilot Flies to the Wrong Station "When the NAV1 navigation radio is set to a VOR frequency and the autopilot is set to follow the heading from NAV1, the aircraft may appear to be flying toward the wrong station."

• Q32775: Airport Appears in Sky "A copy of the ground terrain appears on the screen every 215,000 feet, causing the "phantom airports" that are seen in the sky at high altitudes."

• Q230413: Cannot Pick Up Raft After You Land Airplane in the Water "To resolve this issue, download and install the Amazon2.exe file from the Microsoft Download Center"

• Q110261: Airframe Damage from Stress Causes Aircraft to Explode "This functionality is oversensitive in Flight Simulator 5.0; any stress applied to the aircraft causes it to tear apart when this option is selected. "

• Q35074: Landing at Livermore Airport Causes "Splash" Message "To work around this problem, set the time to dusk. The Livermore airport will then appear black allowing you to land" Um, MS doesn't make real-life plane software, do they?

• Q240259: Microsoft Computer Dictionary Fourth Edition Comments and Corrections Change: "British Navel Connector" To: "British Naval Connector"

• Q303502: Calculator Hot Key Unexpectedly Starts the Internet And Al Gore pressed it.

• Q241079: Hot Air Balloon Vanishes When the Club Hits the Ball Well, obviously the ball is popping the balloon.

• Q197030: Less Conventional Memory in European Versions of Windows 98 Must have something to do with that Euro thingy.

• Q192096: ActiMates: Games Arthur and D.W. Play "If you want to play a different game, squeeze the toe again!"

• Q257440: Water in Rivers or Trenches Is Not Displayed on the Screen "This behavior occurs because photo-realistic water and reflections are only displayed for lakes and other still water bodies."

• Q248308: Fighter Ace II: Bombs Do Not Explode When You Drop Them "This behavior can occur if you have not reached a sufficient altitude to allow the bomb to arm itself."

• Q308415: Files Missing or Corrupted After You Click Telnet URL "After you click a URL in a Web page, and the URL uses the Telnet protocol to connect to a telnet server, you may find that files on your computer are missing or have become zero (0) bytes in size."

• Q307578: Metal Gear Solid: Game Quits Unexpectedly When Character Dies "This behavior can occur if a video adapter that is based on the Intel 810 chip set is installed in your computer."

• Q106121: Sleeping Server Stops Responding to Requests Sound like me in the morning.

• Q192940: Internet Mail Loses Message Body "A supported fix that corrects this problem is now available from Microsoft, but has not been fully regression-tested and should be applied only to systems experiencing this specific problem."

• Q244763: Access Violation Under High Cursor Stress "Under high stress conditions certain cursor operations may infrequently cause an access violation (AV)."

• Q240690: Testing NLB with Homer Shows All Traffic Handled by a Single Host Doh!

• Q309824: Device Appears to Hang When You Push a Button Configured to Start a Program and the Device Is Sleeping "To work around this issue, move the program to a folder location that is based in the RAM of the device." WTF?

• Q253059: You Must Press the TAB Key Numerous Times When You Use the Keyboard to Delete Your Messages "Microsoft has confirmed that this is a problem in Microsoft Exchange 2000 Server."

• Q258097: Sleep Button Starts Screen Saver Instead of Switching to Sleep Mode "When you press the Sleep hot key on one of the Microsoft keyboards listed at the beginning of this article, the screen saver may start unexpectedly, and the computer may not enter Sleep mode." Really, how complicated can a keyboard be?

• Q205794 MIDI Sound Played Quickly on Resume from Suspend or Sleep "If MIDI sounds are being played when your computer is suspended or goes to sleep, a lot of MIDI sounds may be played very quickly as the sequencer catches up when you resume your computer."

• Q207547: How to Customize the Spinning Logo in Internet Explorer "When you create a build of Internet Explorer using the Internet Explorer Administration Kit (IEAK), you can customize the spinning E logo in the browser, but not with all the customization codes."

• Q322071: Microsoft SQL Server 2000 as a Dimensionally Friendly System Will it buy me a beer?

• Q256086: Limits to the Allow Friendly Fire Option "The Allow Friendly Fire option only applies to ships and bases and not to missiles. For this reason, do not fire at friendly missiles unless you want to destroy them."

• Q158592: Problems When Too Many Fonts Are Installed "These problems can occur if you have too many fonts installed for the amount of available program memory."

• Q249919: Conflicts with Offline Files Can Result in Numerous Dialog Boxes "You may potentially have hundreds of conflicts, forcing you to respond to hundreds of dialog boxes. The only resolution or workaround currently is to click OK in each dialog box."

• Q137462: Inserting Data Map Causes Zoom Button to Lock Down "When you insert a Microsoft Data Map object into a Publisher file, the zoom button sticks, causing the zoom '+' and '-' buttons to zoom either to 400% or to 10%."

• Q245467: ACC2000: When You Sort Parameter Query Results You Are Prompted for Parameters Again "In Access 2000, each time that you sort a query that has parameters, the query prompts you for the parameters again."

• Q170057: Dr. Watson Dialog Box Stops Responding Just what you need.

• Q137292: Toolbar Buttons Displayed as Bubbles with Question Marks "A toolbar button may display a blue question mark inside a white bubble."

• Q226428: Canceling Create Shortcut Wizard Leaves Icon on Screen "To resolve this issue, ignore the temporary icon."

• Q170433: Cannot Stop Ignoring a Person in a Whisper Box "If you ignore a person who is outside of your channel or chat room, you cannot stop ignoring that person until he or she joins the channel or chat room you are in."

• Q232937: The Universal Naming Convention Shortcuts Do Not Work Over Remote Access Service to a Server with More Than 700 Shares "A "relatively large number of shares" has been empirically determined to be about 700 shares, but this number may be larger or smaller depending upon the data rate that is achieved over the RAS connection between the client and the server."

• Q253861: Windows NT Desktop Turns Gray and Icons Disappear "Because there are many causes for this behavior, there is no single fix. Some occurrences of this issue clear up on their own, while other instances require a logoff and logon."

• Q155722: Wrong Icons Displayed After Upgrade to Windows NT 4.0 "When you upgrade from Windows NT 3.51 to Windows NT 4.0, it is possible that some icons in converted program groups will be incorrect."

• Q141018: Rearranging Icons While Renaming File Renames Wrong File "If you change the order of the displayed icons in the Contents pane in Windows Explorer before you finish renaming a file, the wrong file may be renamed."

• Q156797: BUG: Windows NT Version 4.0 Bug List - WOW It really says that.

• Q197294: DNS May Return Wrong IP Address When Forwarding Query to WIN "When a client queries the Microsoft DNS server for an IP address, and the DNS forwards the query to WINS, if the WINS server is busy, the DNS server may return the IP address for a different name. This will happen on an intermittent basis randomly."

• Q183054: Taking Ownership Remotely May Set Owner Incorrectly "When you take ownership of a file or directory remotely, it is possible that the new owner of the object may not be the user that you would expect it to be."

• Q101867: Completion Notification Goes to Wrong Computer When Printing "When you have the alert service started on a Print Server, you may receive messages at the wrong computer when you print, if you are logged onto more than one machine."

• Q129819: Car Bounces or Drifts on Map "When you use a Global Positioning System (GPS) receiver with the Automap products listed at the top of this article, the car seems to bounce, or drift on the map. The affect seems to be more noticeable when you are stationary."

• Q152810: Money Xfer: Funds Transferred in the Wrong Direction "For example, you may send an instruction to transfer money from savings to checking and the money is actually transferred from checking to savings."

• Q133751: Streets 4.0: Street Address Displayed on Wrong Side of Street "The address label places the address on the wrong side of the street when you use the Go To option to find a street address in Automap Streets."

• Q180600: Hidden P.S. Included Even When You Select "Do Not Include P.S." "When Direct Mail Manager opens Word and displays your form letter on the screen, the following P.S. appears at the end of the document: The P.S. is a strong marketing tool. You can repeat the offer, introduce a gift, remind the reader of the expiration date on a special offer, etc."

• Q287783: Outlook Does Not Dial the Modem When the Network Cable Is Unplugged "On a Microsoft Windows 2000-based system, the system may connect through the modem if you click Send/Receive two times."

• Q221809 : Combat Flight Simulator: Computer Hangs When Your Airplane Crashes "When you play Microsoft Combat Flight Simulator, your computer may stop responding (hang) when your airplane crashes...."

• Q298695: Commerce Server 2000 Resource Kit Comments and Corrections "Sweet Forgiveness Sample Site Not Available"

• Q198103: Combat Flight Simulator: Textures in Cockpit Flicker Must be the "go pills."

• Q198576: Polygons Are Visible When You Fly Through Fog "When you play Microsoft Combat Flight Simulator, you may see the edges or outlines of polygons when you fly through fog."

  Other fun links

  • zem's bsod page: the big blue screen of death Larger than life BSOD's!

  • "...just plug it in. It's gonna say, 'Hey! I see you've plugged in a new device', and it's gonna load in the appropriate drivers." the infamous video of Bill Gates unveiling Windows 98...and it BLUE SCREENS.

  • Windows RG Windows "Really Good" Edition.

  • KbAlertz.com Get notified every time MS publishes new Knowledge Base or Support articles.

• Have a favorite Q Article? Email Jilly!

  Updated April 2003